All by Myself

These days I'm finding I'm alone a lot.
I know it's just the timing of it all and that I'm not actually this hermit crab, loner of a girl but still, being alone is not always the most fun. Eric is on a 6 day shoot which means 15 hour days, and my job has morphed into me working bi-monthly which means I have this whole week off. Everyone else in my life has a job or goes to school or lives 1400 miles away...lame.
I came to Albuquerque with the sole intention of pursuing my dreams and partnering with Eric to pursue his. I'd say we've kept pretty busy. So finding myself with an ungodly amount of time on my hands has proved to be exhausting. I'm not very good at being by myself...
My default is to get freaked out...to not be okay with being by myself for fear that it means I'm a loser, or lazy, or that it looks like I'm those things to other people. For some funny reason, I felt like I needed to read a lot, or get in the car and go somewhere just to be somewhere. I'm a weirdo, I know, but I just haven't known what to do with myself.

But then...

On one of my "outings" I put my headphones in. I was at the noisy mall but could hear no outside noise, just the music in my ears. It was nice. I'm walking around and before I knew it, things changed. I went from being a little self-conscience, to me actually seeing the people around me. In those few moments, such clarity came and I was reminded of why I was here: It's not actually about me. None of it. Then with that thought came another. "Lindsay, you've been so caught up with everything else, that you've forgotten".
Once again with such clarity, I could see. I had taken my eyes off the prize. Him.

It's crazy how easy it is for me to get focused on stuff. Not bad or evil stuff, just the everyday, ordinary stuff. I forget about a God who is more than able and more than willing to not only meet every need, but to also exceed my every expectation. I get so caught up on all the other little temporary "prizes" like the paycheck, the gig, the movie shoot - in other words - the immediate and not the eternal. I forget that when I put all of my dreams and wants and worries on the back burner and make it all about Him, everything else will fall into place (Matthew 6:33). It's good to be reminded of that. It's necessary to be reminded of that.

Who knew?
Being alone enabled me to hear. To remember. It allowed me to get away from the routine, the "pursuit". I'm thankful for a week of lonely that has drawn me closer to His heart and breathed new breath on an old revelation.

Maybe all by myself isn't such a bad way to go : ).

P.S. It's the most perfect overcast day here. Fall has definitely been a long time coming! However, I believe that I have most definitely stumbled upon the perfect gloomy day playlist. Since it is absolute perfection I am obligated to share:
William Fitzsimmons
Gary Go
Luke Parker
The Edward Scissorhands soundtrack
Feist
Copeland (duh)
Coldplay (Parachutes)
Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
Ray LaMontagne
The Assassination of Jesse James soundtrack
Pat Metheny (Orchestrion)

You're welcome!

Momentum

Man how that word has taken on new meaning. Well, maybe not so much new meaning as real meaning. I know that I've prayed for it to happen in the various youth groups that I've been privileged to be a part of. I also know what I thought it looked like. Let me tell you...I didn't really have a clue.

Momentum is taking place in our lives right now. It didn't happen overnight, nor did it happen to us. We have worked for it. We have paid a price. And we are beginning to see fruit. I never thought momentum would require faith. Oh but it does! 2010 was set aside as a year to pursue our dreams. Yes, I most definitely had preconceived notions of what that looked like. I had some expectations. (Some of them may or may not have included winning the dream home from HGTV in March of this year....which, for the record, we did not.) Let's just be honest people - pursuing your dreams is hard work. We've shed some tears (and by some I mean a ton!), we've been broke the majority of the time. We've been told no more than yes. Turns out, you have to fight for the call of God on your life! So now, ten months later, we are starting to see it take shape right before our eyes. And so, we have decided to stay in New Mexico a little while longer. We want to give this momentum, which is still in its infancy, a chance to grow. We want to allow the Lord to finish this amazing work that He has begun.

Eric has gotten on a project (this month actually) that will give him all of the union hours he needs. After that he will be eligible to FINALLY get into the union and start working on projects that he actually wants to be working on. In fact, for all you praying folks out there, Eric really wants to be a grip or electrician for "Breaking Bad"- an Emmy award winning show shot right here in Albuquerque. They start up in January and end in June (ish) which is perfect! So please pray!

As for me, Jayne and I are writing songs, saying yes to every single gig we are offered, and we've started recording an EP. It's so exciting and SO MUCH FUN! I would have never dreamed that 10 months in, this is where I would be. I am in absolute awe and a testimony that the Word of God never returns void. I moved here with His word that I was a songwriter and nothing really to show for it. Now Jayne and I have songs! I have written songs! Songs that I like! Songs that I would listen to! It's pretty amazing...God's pretty amazing.

To move back to Bend now would be just plain silly. Momentum is in the air! We do miss Oregon, though. We miss our friends and our family. But I know that when all this is said and done, it will all have been worth it.

Here's to momentum, and living the dream!